The “RISE” before the Fall

This is Shelby’s look of defeat.

I have spent the past three years covering a lot of the elite athletes of the South East for CrossFit, Inc. More than once, there has been a story about an athlete who had made it to Regionals the year before and did not perform to his or her expectations. The athlete admits to feeling as if he did not deserve to be competing alongside the other Regional athletes, and subsequently his performance suffered. I never really understood this. These are the best of the best athletes in the South East, who work hard every day to compete at that level. How could this athlete have such feelings of inadequacy?

I get it now.

It is the morning after the Rise of the South competition. My dear friend and owner of CrossFit Boro, Ryan Brack, contacted me over three months ago and told me that I better participate in his competition. He specifically said he looked at the calendar and made sure there were no Auburn football games on the weekend he selected. I had no excuse.

I had been feeling a little unmotivated in CrossFit and decided to put this competition on my calendar as a challenge. If I was able to do all of the movements, I vowed I was going to make this my first individual RX competition ever. I tightened up my diet. I ramped up my training. I didn’t miss a workout (even on vacation!). I was focused, reinvigorated, and excited about CrossFit again.

That is until the week before the competition.

The self-doubt started creeping in. The negative voices in my head grew louder and louder as the competition neared. I wondered if I should drop down to scaled, easily within my comfort zone.

This is Shelby’s look of “I am awesome!” at a previous competition.

Now don’t get me wrong. I had no thoughts of making it on the podium at this competition. I knew I would be going up against some of the best female athletes in the area, some of whom have competed at Regionals. This was about putting myself out there, giving it my all, and finishing an RX competition. I normally “rise to the occasion” at a competition, and my goal was to simply finish all of the workouts within the time caps.

The competition day came quickly. Oddly enough, I did not have pre-competition jitters. I also did not have pre-competition excitement. The adrenaline wasn’t pumping. I felt like I had a black cloud over my head. I looked at my fellow competitors and wondered what the heck I was doing competing alongside them. I also felt the need to make sure they all knew how much I sucked. Who had I become?

The first workout was a disaster. It was a snatch complex ladder that I had completed at the gym at 105 lb. (which was a new PR for me!). I was hoping to get through 95 lb. at the competition. Because of my own stupidity, I thought the ladder started at 55 lb., which was actually the weight for the scaled athletes. Unbeknownst to me, it had been changed to 75 lb. I didn’t realize it until I struggled to complete the complex at 75.

I was shaken. My game plan went out the window. I was like a deer in headlights. My form was terrible as I literally fell on the ground at 85 lb. I still managed to get up and complete it but could not get through the 95 lb.

“What the F just happened?” I thought.

I think that is when I gave up. I felt so defeated. I completed the rest of the workouts just “going through the motions.” I was flat. I was uninspired. And I failed to complete a single workout within the time cap.

My disappointment in myself was palpable and continues today.

Thanks for the learning experience, Brack!

I often say that CrossFit attracts a certain type of person- someone who constantly strives to be her best. We are not seeking perfection, but we do expect to be the best we can be. That is why we stay after class to work on pull-ups. That is why we put 10 more pounds on the bar for a workout. We are not satisfied with just getting by.

Are we going to change the world by doing these things? Probably not. But those who truly embrace CrossFit seek to put their best efforts towards it. And you can bet, if someone is doing that in the gym, he is doing that in life outside the gym as well.

I ended up finishing the competition third from last. I have no doubt that even if I had entered beast mode and given it my all, I would have still ended up third from last. But if I had given it my all, I would be excited and patting myself on the back for completing my first RX competition. This would have been a very different blog post.

But I didn’t. So I am not.

This morning, I brushed myself off. I set aside my wounded pride. I went to the gym and did a recovery workout. As I did it, I saw the words emblazoned on my gym wall and was reminded: BETTER THAN YESTERDAY.

I don’t have to be perfect. I just have to be better. I am going to take Rise of the South as a learning experience and move on.

I already feel better just writing this.